Pizza Comedy

Today was 9-02-10. Amazing…

So I think it’s only fitting we take a moment to honor that greatness that was (and is) Beverly Hills 90210.

It all began twenty years ago in the wealthy, Caucasian suburbs of Los Angeles…in a quiet town called Beverly Hills. An unlikely group of diversely-tanned teens gathered together to experience high school like never before…seen on TV. There was Kelly Taylor, Steve Sanders, David Silver, Donna Martin, and of course, the ever-squinting Brandon Walsh.

What a rag tag bunch. It’s funny to think how far they all came and what difficult obstacles they had to overcome with so many white people in such a rich town. One time, they even had to carpool in Donna’s Seabring rental. Brandon broke his leg because of it. I’ll never forget where I was when that happened.

The original show first began in 1990 and ran for ten full seasons. In 2008, some brilliant creative entrepreneurs at CW decided to bless the world with a new “reboot” of the series. It’s 20 years later, and this time, the creators took careful energy to update the show to modern times and show how much Beverly Hills has diversified.

Stay tuned...by 2020, there may even be a Mexican!

So much has changed. Yet…it all still looks so familiar.

In conclusion, I’d like to give a solid tip of my cap to a really sub-par show. 90210, you were on TV for all of the 90s, and I couldn’t believe it then. Somehow, you’re still on the air now, and I can’t believe that even more. And now you’re taking days out of my personal calendar and using them as your own.

Thank you 90210, you continue to amaze me.

Conaw. I’m in.

I know they won’t let him, but I hope he keeps that beard for the show. It’s about time we see a rugged, burly, pale Irishman on Late Night. That role has been dominated by non-rugged pale Irishmen for way too long.

I mean, look at Conan’s back hair. You won’t find this on that hairless nutsack known as Jay Leno…

back in black

That is Late Night back hair that you can build a franchise on. It’s not going anywhere. Go ahead, try to rip it out and move it to a later time slot. It’s just gonna grow back thicker than before.

In related news, Jimmy Fallon has announced that he’s still on the air. After his announcement, the hallways echoed in the empty silence of a million people, simultaneously not caring at once.

In the spirit of Billy Mays (if Billy Mays was a stone cold pimp who put hoes in their place, AKA Slapchop’s Vince Offer):

The dickless wonders behind this original infomercial felt the need to promote a titty-free atmosphere at work, home, or in public, and wanted to make a profit in the process…and that’s just plain wrong. A world with no cleavage?! That’s worse than Waterworld.

As if television wasn’t geared enough towards women and gay people (editor’s note: see Dancing With The Stars, Glee, and anything on during prime time), now I have to slowly watch my erection collapse in on itself like Pruitt-Igoe.

Nice white wine…dick!

No description needed. Watch it.

When movies this good are being made overseas, it makes me wonder how M. Night Shyamalan keeps getting work. And have you seen The Expendables? I haven’t because I like to think I have a small bit of taste. But I’m told by Stallone fans that it’s a shit sandwich.

Who wants a mustache ride?

Although this film is his most critically acclaimed, he also has garnered some attention for his role as Molto Benny, a pizza delivery boy who moonlights as a flashdance stripper to pay for his grandmother’s hospital bills. The film is called Butt Sex For Granny, and it will be opening wide at Sundance this year.

the resemblence is canny

I wasn’t gonna say anything, but I think she actually looks more like Madonna.

And speaking of Dopplegangers, will someone please pick up Mo’Nique? She’s been waiting here all night and the place is starting to smell like elderberries…

Double Rainbow with cheese

For some reason, this reminds me of Along Came Polly. Ben Stiller is the man in the red shirt, Jennifer Aniston, the dog. Only I think THIS dog might have a bit more charisma and about 6 more nipples (or teats).

For the win…

Yeah, I made an Along Came Polly reference. Deal with it.

Oh Jesus...Jesus Christ...

I just hope this young boy is the Toddler King Because otherwise, he’s gonna perish in that gay elephant’s ass. I’ve seen it happen too many times before…

Mein Fuhrer, tell me more about The Glitch Mob.

This is a picture from my new favorite site, Hipster Hitler. Perhaps maybe all those Nazis in Los Angeles’ Silverlake area or in Williamsburg, Brooklyn will realize they’re only aiding in the genocide of American male dignity.

Now hipster frauleins on the other hand…

**Props to Smarty McFly for the link.