Pizza Comedy

This was the best response by far:

Two things about this — 1) I like how SNL now has a shortened version of their Weekend Update with only the funny jokes in it. Thank god. Sitting through a full SNL sketch these days is equivalent to sitting through a birthing video. There’s a lot of afterbirth.

2) I’m happy to see Obama still leading the charge on Health Care Reform. I just hope he’s not Obama from an alternate reality…

Don’t listen to the smoke monster, Barak. He’s making promises he can’t keep.

A big rap from a little man — Andy Milonakis steps up to the YouTube mic to spit hot fire on Jay Leno. I probably wouldn’t have recognized it was him, mostly due to his stunna shades and what looks to be the bedroom of a cheap apartment in Van Nuys, but it’s the real deal, the A-Milo, dropping a kilo on Chinzilo…

I couldn’t agree more. And I’m very happy to hear that even though Jay’s back in his old Tonight Show slot, he’s dropped down to the #2 spot behind Letterman. Please, please, pretty please keep that karma coming…

In related news, Conan O’Brien has started using Twitter. So you can follow his every Coco-fueled moved like the crazy internet stalker you are.

But more importantly, Conan just announced that he’s talking his Late Night show on the road! Since he is legally banned from doing TV shows until September, he just announced a nationwide tour, complete with co-host pal Andy Richter, of live shows.

The former host of “The Tonight Show” announced a 30-city theater tour on Thursday. Sidekick Andy Richter and the former “Tonight Show” band will join O’Brien for what he promises to be “a night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence.”

The “Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour” begins April 12 in Eugene, Ore., and concludes June 14 in Atlanta. It will visit theaters in at least 20 states and two Canadian provinces. Additional dates may be added.

O’Brien quipped: “It was either a massive 30-city tour or start helping out around the house.”

Tickets are going to go fast, so I suggest you hop on that like Tiger Woods on a pancake waitress. Tickets are available at TeamCoco.com, on by click on this nifty picture above…

I’m with Coco. Let’s go see this show.

Props to Nalley for the spicy vid

Finally, a product that keeps my attention where it needs to be.

It’s a brilliant idea. But honestly, I don’t think anything can stop a man from looking at a woman’s breasts. Even Forehead Tittaes. (Although I appreciate their effort and really like where they’re going with this). Looking a boobs is part of the male system. In our DNA and our constantly-failing brain matter. We can’t stop doing it, mostly because we don’t even know we’re doing it. We have no idea.

Well yeah, sure, sometimes we do. And believe me, we are so good at it when we want to be. We’re like Jason Bourne tit-snipers. But when you catch us staring, that’s you catching us unaware. In ape mode. Every time I get caught, I didn’t even know I was looking — I black out, then come back around to see an angry face staring me down.

That’s probably the biggest thing women don’t understand about men. We can’t not look at boobs. Our eyes are special. Women’s eyes do the same thing when they see boots you like. Who notices boots? You boots, me boobs.

And for those women interested in keeping our gaze away from their down-under naughty bits, I introduce you to this: The Worst Underwear Ever.

I promise, I’ll never look at your whispering eye ever again.

Nice vid by Ti’Tay

Season 14 of South Park is just around the corner — new episodes start next Wednesday (the 17th), a week from today. And in honor of their upcoming 200th episode (holy shit, right? I remember being in middle school, watching Mr. Hankey wipe shit all over the place. Seemed like only yesterday), they have opened up the internet floodgates to fans around the world. You can actually submit you own message, image, or whatever to Matt and Trey on their 200th Episode page. They will pick the best and then display them up on the site. It’s pretty cool, so check it out if you wanna holler at yo boys…

They released two promo clips for the new season. This first one is a hilarious response to that angry Ginger kid on YouTube, if you haven’t seen the original video, I recommend watching it first. I only got through the first minute, because, well…because the dude freaks me out.

And then there’s this one.

God bless America and our right to own 500 guns. Not sure if these are just promo clips, or if they will be in actual episodes…but I am very, very excited. I read an article recently that interviewed Matt and Trey, and they said that said they will definitely be doing a huge Tiger Woods episode. Can’t wait to see what they do to that man whore…

As everyone on Facebook knows, Corey Haim passed away this morning.  He was 38 years old.  As a child actor of the 80s, he was destined for failure and mockery, from both celebrity peers and big dick swinging internet comedy website writers.  Although I’m a huge fan of his films The Double-O Kid, License to Drive, and Blown Away, I think I’ll always remember him for his on point, no nonsense television interviews:

Despite his substance abuse problems, Haim was always the greater Corey.  Though his counterpart Corey Feldman starred in The ‘Burbs, Haim will always hold the higher ground in my opinion.  Just look at the way he macked it to Nicole Eggert using a stuffed animal reference (see Blown Away link above, it will not disappoint).  You have to admit, “nice duck” is a much better way of getting butt than pulling off this musical number (at the 1:10 mark, Feldman defines the word “chump stain”):

I rest my case, Corey rests in peace.

When this guy gets to the hospital, someone take his food and put some atomic peppers on top of his burger.

This picture has been up on my site for like two weeks, and I just recently realized this was a chick. Either that, or it’s a dude with really large nipples. Hoping for the latter…

WINNER!!!!

KISS groupies have to do something while Gene Simmons gets hair plugs put in.

Submitted By: Nalley

RUNNERS-UP:

2. Casper’s lesbian cousin, Jasper.
Submitted By: DC Star

3. Barney’s Beanery is the only place where Andy Dick and Robert Smith’s love child can be himself.
Submitted By: LA Dave
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Nothing gets the blood flowing like a little KISS rock n’ roll action. You know, I read a recent scientific study on KISS songs, which discovered that roughly 78% of all of the lyrics to KISS songs are devoted to, in one way or another, licking and/or exploiting genitals. 49% referred exclusively to Gene Simmons’ genitals, and 21% referred even more exclusively to his left testicle, which he’s named Clarence.

I thought that was interesting. (I probably should, I made it up.)

Props to Nalley on his latest victory — I believe this is his third? The dude rocks the captions like Gene Simmons rocks glory holes at truck stops. Frequently.

Also like to give a shout out to DC Star and LA Dave for adding some spice to the caption fire. And for the record, I met Casper’s lesbian cousin, Jasper. And let me tell you something. Not a fan. She’s kindof a snob.

You’ll also notice that there’s no “Honorable Mention” this week. That’s because Niblet’s caption recieved no votes, so he receives no courtesy. That’s a play right out of Jasper’s lesbo handbook. That bitch.

Keep your captions pointed this way, new contest coming soon…