This weeks flog is an entry from our new PMPcomedy venture, IdiotPantsParty. It’s a blog devoted entirely to idiots like this…
#1 The Blowout
There is something particularly obnoxious about the Blowout haircut. I’m not sure if it’s the sheer volume of hair gel required, the smugness of the person wearing it, or the potential safety risk of all those greasy spikes, but The Blowout strives to place itself in the upper echelon of douchebaggery.
As far as hair styles go, it is a neck-and-[red]neck rival to the Mullet in both hateability and trashiness. But the Blowout is not a lame duck. It possesses a unique trait unlike any other haircut: the ability to make it’s wearer unneccessarily aggressive and cocky.
In fact, if you see a blowout haircut, be readily prepared to answer one of these questions: “What are you looking at?”, “You wanna fight about it?”, or “Did you bring the Heinekens?”
If you live around New Jersey or Long Island, this is certainly not news to you. You’ve seen the Blowout everywhere. In da clubs, at the grocery store, hitting on your girlfriend. It’s almost impossible to escape it’s greasy grips.
If you’re an attractive female, you will be the unrelinquished apple of the Blowout’s eye. Unless you reject their advances; then you will become a skank.
And as you can see above, the Blowout typically travels in packs. Usually with a Heineken mini-keg. Just in case they need to get shitfaced.
They are also known as “Guidos“, “Jerseyites“, or “Gel Junkies” by the masses, and typically go to get their chest waxed in large groups. So that they can hold eachothers hands to fight through the pain. But, as any Blowout will tell you, pain is good. It attracts the skanks.
