OK, I just walked in on the weirdest thing in the world. But before I tell you, let me give a quick bit of backstory so you can understand how truly weird/awesome(?) this is…
There’s this newer IT guy that works at my job, one of those goth-like dudes you’d expect to see wearing a trenchcoat in the summer. Let’s call him Michael. He’s a nice guy, but weird, and I haven’t spoken to him much. Just so you know, he’s a self-proclaimed “magician”. And during our Welcome Back Party, when new people were introducing themselves, he decided to show us a magic trick. He got out a hammer and a nail (a real nail, we checked), and proceeded to hammer the nail into his nasal cavity.
It was gross, weird, kindof impressive — one of those things everyone cringles and goes “Ugh…nooo! Seriously. No.”. And that was his magic trick. Great first impression. So that’s Michael. And here’s the story:
So I go to use the bathroom in our office (a single-seater), and open the door — and see Michael on the toilet. It was one of those awkward, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry” and get-out-as-quick-as-possible moments. The door wasn’t locked for some reason, and I felt awful and queasy.
But as walked away, my brain tried to comprehend what I had just seen….Something wasn’t right. Michael was sitting on the toilet, fully clothed. He was hunched over like he was taking a shit, and he was certainly red in the face — But he had his black pants on, fully buckled, and pulled all the way up. I’m sure of it.
So my question is: Was this guy Magic Pooping? Could it be that he has some magical way of excreting doody without taking his clothes off?! Is this guy’s abilities so powerful that it transcends the basic human pooping process?!
And if he wasn’t, what the hell was he doing just chilling on the toilet? What a weird place to just sit and hang out. At least lock the door, weirdo.
Oh man, what a strange experience. I don’t know what to think — should I feel excited…or extremely creeped out? Someone weigh in on this one. I think I’m going to have to call up “Mythbusters” for this.
