I just thought I should share this precious V-Day moment with you all before I forget about it (only to re-remember it next month when I get my credit card bill).
I was fortunate enough to go out with a lovely young lady this past weekend for Valentines Day. And what could be better than that, right? So we decided to hit up a local Sushi place down in Santa Monica, right on the Promenade. The place is called Monsoon, and it’s actually quite delicious.
We have a few drinks, then head to our table. I should pause here to say that the last time I went out with this girl, we went to Benihana’s (for those that don’t know, it’s a delicious hibachi place where they cook right in front of you. And I pretend every time that I’m super-surprised by the onion volcano!!!!!!!!!yay!!!). While there, I decided we should order about three meals worth of food. A Steak and Chicken combo, and the Shrimp Special. Now, I love food, so this is good. But I couldn’t even come close to finishing it, which was kindof on unmanly move on our second date.
But this is not a digression, because as soon as I picked up that menu at Monsoon, my mouth just started moving. And I ordered way too much again. It’s like my mouth just goes retarded when I’m handed a menu. So I ordered 3 specialty rolls, and 2 regular rolls. In my defense, I didn’t think five rolls was too many.
But then we get the food and it’s massive. Each specialty roll came on it’s own full plate. We litterally had about two full rolls left. And yet again, I’m left holding my belly and crying “full”. Unmanly strike two. At this point, I had to drop the lumberjack backstory I’d given myself and had to say I was mearly a lumberjack’s secretary.
So I’m reeling from this total blow to my ego — two meals, and you’re doggy bagging it each time?? And plus, we wanted to go out drinking, so I wasn’t gonna carry that food around. And I didn’t want to waste all that delicious sushi. So I have a genius idea!! Why don’t I give the extra food to a homeless person? This is Santa Monica. Super cool to the homeless. I mean, I get asked for change on my way to the change machine.
So I felt good about myself. I felt good about feeding someone else, someone who was cold and hungry. It was a win-win, and I felt like some man points had been restored.
So we leave the restaurant and head towards the bar, and I’ve got my sushi out and ready to be gifted. And…there’s no one around. The promenade is empty, which is weird because Valentine’s Day makes everyone go out and spend money. But there was no one. “Ok,” says I, “let’s walk to the bar, and I’m sure we’ll pass someone.”
We walk the six blocks to the bar, and what did we see? No one. Just couples. No wandering hobos, or down-on-their-luck Chucks. So we arrive at the bar, and lo!! — I see in the distance a heaping lump sitting on the bench next to a bus stop. I see a suitcase next to him, so I know that’s a good sign. This is a traveling man.
So I approach the heap, only to find that the man is totally covered in blankets. Wrapped all over his head and body. Like a blob. “Exucse me?” I say. No response. “EXCUSE Me, sir?” Nothing.
Now at this point, she watching. I’m hunched over a slump of a guy that’s covered in blankets at a bus stop. And I’m totally thinking this guy is gonna rip off his sheets and start crazy screaming at me. So I try one last time, “EXCUSE ME? There’s some sushi…or….” And I trail off. Because I’m thinking maybe now this guy is dead or something.
So I slowly backed away, and placed the bag on the edge of the trash can. She was laughing at me. And I was laughing because I was just screaming in the ear of a homeless person, and getting ignored. A little bit of role reversal there. And you know what? It hurt.
So there was no happy ending to that. I hope that some homeless person out there got to eat my delicious sushi. I hope it didn’t go to waste. And I hope that blanket-man wasn’t dead. Or if he was, it wasn’t because he was allergic to fish.
