Pizza Comedy

It’s easy to hate soccer because — well, it’s soccer. It’s just not an American sport. I mean, think about it: the athletes are all in amazing shape; you have to play against and cooperate with other countries; and as a fan, you have to be patient to see some excitement. Nothing about that is American.

Maybe if your porked up those players and played some hip hop music while they were playing, we’d go for it. Even then, I think you’d need to have something more — maybe have a Zamboni driven by Mickey Mouse clean the field off at half time or something.

But mark your calanders, folks. Because today is a day of transformation. I, Pizza Comedy, am now 100% in love soccer.

As long as it’s played by really hot girls, naked, in body paint, on the beach.

GOOAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!