Pizza Comedy

I really thought this day would never come — I mean, certainly, I’ve thought about it — but I just always thought I’d have warning or that somehow, they would never figure it out. But it’s done, over. Gone.

My parents are on Facebook.

Seriously, I was convinced my parents would be too technologically inept to figure it out. How could they?? And sure, I’ve talked a big game. That part is easy. Saying that if my parents EVER sent me a friend invite on Facebook, I would soundly reject it in one swift click of the button.

Ignore.

But when that moment came today, I was forced to come to grips with reality. There was a little box with (of course) a blank picture on it (since clearly there’s no way they’ve figured out they need to put their picture in it), and next to that was my dad’s name. The friend request.

For the last 6 years, I’ve enjoyed a Facebook free of rules and adults. When I originally joined, it was only for college students and scouring for attractive chicks in my classroom. Perhaps even a “poke” or a drunken message that I would have forgot I typed until being confronted about it the next day in class. “Why did you say you wanted to slap the skin off my ass?” Followed by my sheepish reply, “Ummm…Because?” Those were the days. So carefree, so young and unadulterated.

But that’s not reality any more. The reality now lies in my inbox, with that blank silhouette.

Who am I to not accept my dad’s friend request? I like my dad. But I also like being able to post pictures where I’m drunk and I may or may not be grabbing the boob of my girlfriend. I like my girlfriend. And her boobs.

But then again, who am I to deny a friend request from the people who gave me the ability to be on this earth to accept that friend request? I came from my dad, from his penis. How could I not be friends with that? OK, that came out weird, but you get the point.

I struggled with this notion. I called my brother to see what he thought — I assumed (correctly) that he had also received a similar friend request. I knew what he would tell me. I just needed to hear it in person. Then I consulted my mentor, who’s helped me deal with important life issues since I was 7 years old. And Seinfeld told me this…

Facebook George will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand. So I took a deep breath, then grabbed one last look around the old Facebook I knew so well. I contemplated, and I’m sure you all know what I did…

Accept.

I had to. And you know what, it didn’t even feel all that bad. At least not as bad as I thought. My dad has 5 friends currently, and I’m proud to be one of them. It had to happen. And I challenge anyone who is faced with this situation to do otherwise. You dicks.

As for me and my family, we are now, happily, FFF. Facebook Friends Forever.