According to news reports and Olympic specialists, Gillian Cooke’s juicy fruit butt had simply “had enough.”
Cooke, an all-star UK bobsled racer, had been partnering with her juicy fruit butt for the last 28 years, and was “incredibly surprised” by her ass’ sudden decision to split.
“We’ve trained so hard and fought through so many bean burritos to get to this point. I just can’t believe — after all this — that my juicy fruit butt would bounce like that.”
Her buttocks could not be reached for comment, most likely due to that overly-zealous voicemail I left it when I was drunk last night.
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