I was losing all faith in humanity…..and then I watched the new Insane Clown Posse music video. Wow.
Vagina’s, why do they look so strange?
Are bums the only people who can truly achieve change?
Old people, how do they fuck?
Sandwiches, what makes them so delicious?
Breathing, how does that shit work, and why does Bernie Lomax always have a smirk?*
Thank god SNL captured this songs genius and paid homage to the Jugalo’s.
We are all in big big trouble. It’s only a matter of time before Krang finds his mechanical avatar and goes forward with his plans to open a portal that would bring all of the world’s most dangerous villains to Earth…from the dreaded Dimension X.
The scariest villain of all? Sumo Octopus Baby…
If there’s a bone in that kid’s body, I’d be surprised. He moves around like a jello pudding invertebrate.
More than likey though, Krang is molding this child into a very dangerous Rock Soldier (and I don’t mean Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek). Thank god for us, Casey Jones and the Ninja Turtles hate punkers.
I don’t get it with Chris Rock. The guy consistently comes out with the best stand up specials every two years, makes hysterical song parodies, yet has no fucking clue how to make a movie. His best roles are bit parts in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and New Jack City. Oh yeah, and CB4 is also worth checking out (especially the hit single, Sweat From My Balls). Those are honestly his only contributions to cinema.
This brings me back to my original point: Chris Rock should stick to stand up and other song-parody type humor. Because clearly, anything his talent agent gets his hands on in is cinematic poison.
So enjoy the above music video, it’s the most upbeat song about racism since the infamous theme song to Boss N*****.
This twitter war took place a few weeks back, but is just too good to overlook. (Although honestly, the two words “twitter” and “war” put together seems about as masculine as Elton John riding a bedazzled Harley with assless chaps onto stage (sorry…no picture could be found)).
Aimee does have a point though. I’ve never once walked away from a movie or TV show Ice-T has been in and thought “Damn…that Ice-T can fucking act.” On the other hand, I love Aimee Mann simply for her contributions to the Magnolia soundtrack. And for being married to the lesser of all the Penn brothers, Michael, who wrote this catchy diddy that I enjoy and you will find yourself singing. You gotta be a good person to do that — it’s like adopting a retarded baby or giving Chad Lowe acting work. All will score you points with the man upstairs.
At least Ice-T was kind enough to wish “a hot bowl of dicks” upon Aimee. He could of served her many of his other penis delicacy’s, such as cold cock cobb salad, penis parmigiana, and Tom Cruise’s personal favorite, dick chowder.
Fans are outraged over Creed front man Scott Stapp’s attempt at a theme song for the Florida Marlins. “Marlins Will Soar” was supposed to be a rallying cry…yet falls flat and only reassures one thing: Scott Stapp would lose an election to both a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
By the way, Marlins are fish and don’t soar. And what’s with Florida and all of their lame fish team names. The Dolphins, who have that stupid helmet with a dolphin in a helmet (seriously take a close look at that lame ass shit), Tampa Bay Rays (Devil Rays), and Marlins of course. I think this song pretty much covers all Florida teams much better.
Sorry for the bad video quality and size but the organization is removing this piece of dookie from every site. Team owner Jeffrey Loria has issued a statement saying ” I’d honestly rather have a gay son than have anyone ever listen to this gay song ever again.” He should have let me do a rewrite on this tune, I think this captures it in fewer words: “One strike, two strike, double play, this song is really fucking gay.”
I love douchey Directors that try to give acting heavyweights like De Niro, Pacino, and oh yes, William Shatner tips on how to evoke the true emotion of the script. It’s not like they’ve won award after award for their craft, while this snot-nosed weasel is probably fresh out of NYU film school. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “De Niro was making hit movies while this chump was suckling on his momma’s teet.”
The best part is De Niro telling the Director: “That’s energetic, you don’t know what you’re talking about; I’m not selling cars.” So…I found a clip of Bobby De Niro Selling cars…
Check out a few other choice celeb blow ups when a Director opened his mouth here (Shatner), here (Orson Welles) and here (double-Shat).
When being questioned about why he struggled so mightily in his Yankee debut, yet was able to recover for 3 shutout innings against the rival Red Sox, Chan Ho Park got a little too specific:
One time I tried to get out of school because I had a phobia of defecating in public. I went to the nurse sweaty and uneasy, yet her damn thermometer couldn’t detect the trouble brewing in my bowels. I finally convinced that by-the-book bitch to call my mother because I was about to explode.
Minutes prior to mom’s arrival, however, I burst into the horrid middle school bathroom (which as Michael Jackson would say was “gross with doodoo feces all over the place”) and found the stall with the least amount of semen/doodoo feces. I unbuckled my pants fervently, but before I could relieve myself, boom went the dynamite. Gross diarrhea splattered all over my underwear and legs. I cleaned up as best I could but it was still during the days when I had (for some reason) written my name on my boxers, like anyone was going to steal them. And now they were covered in shit. Alas, I couldn’t leave that kind of evidence in the public trash can. All I could do was shove that wad in my front jean pocket.
Mom came and all was well once again. Until the ride home, when I heard: “What is that smell?” I begrudgingly told her the embarrassing truth as she laughed at me. I was immediately set at ease after she told me that my father did the same thing the week before while stuck in traffic. While it disgusted me that my own father still let loose mud monkeys in his pants, it also really made me feel much better about my own pants-shitting situation. I guess that’s what parents are for.
The argument is finally over. Word on the street is that after this debuted, the New York Mets have come out as an openly gay team and will now be relocating to The Castro District of San Francisco. Hell, bring the Dodgers back to Brooklyn and it’ll be an even swap.
