Pizza Comedy

This is Sooty. He doesn’t wear a condom and he doesn’t pay child support. Deal with it.

Happy mother’s day!!

nice conquest by scribbles

BRBRBRBBBBBBRRRRRRBBRBBRBRBBBBRBRRRBBBB!!

Nobody ever sees the shit coming.

This is the world’s smallest horse, “Einstein.” He weighs only 6 pounds. He measures 14 inches in height:

This is not photoshopped. That kid actually does have a massive pale head.

This horse was born in New Hampshire, so it’s just a matter of time before the horse learns about the band Phish, drops too many tabs, eats far too many stems and caps, and becomes a fat burnout working at a used books shop. It’s safe to say his mare will have quite the bushy pubic region too.

Right now some Hollywood producer goon is looking to cast “Einstein” in a straight-to-DVD kids comedy romp starring Verne Troyer. He’s calling it The Tiny Wild West. Or how about, The World’s Smallest Tall Tale? Either way, Tim Allen’s cast as the villain.

This is the best video Yahoo News has posted, certainly in their sports department. I hope I didn’t give away too much with the title, but…a dog poops on the field during a baseball game…

This dog captures my feelings about baseball exquisitely. Subtle, yet on point. If it were me, however, I would have taken a much bigger shit (perhaps after eating Chipotle) and I would have stuck a little Italian flag on top of it. The crap is for baseball, the flag is for me.

props to Shi’Tay for the find

It’s friday, and I like dogs, so here’s my ode to them:

Doggy, doggy, so damn cool
How I want to to own thee.
But walking you & cleaning poo,
Makes me want to kick thee.

I think I just bee-bopped. Free style, off the cuff. I feel like a jazz musician. Luigi Armstrong. Yeah, that’s right. Do you smell that? It smells like doodycakes. OH WAIT. It’s me. Because I’m the shit.

Right Dr. Woof?

The Doctor of Juicy Fruit Butts

This dog is not only a doctor, he’s also an expert otorhinolaryngologist (that’s an ear, nose, and throat doctor for you laymen). He’s gets up on those juicy fruit butts and sniffs around. A good whiff here, a little nuzlle there. Perhaps a playful bite? You can tell a lot by a good sniff.

For example, if you were to smell my ass, you may smell some D.D.C. (doodycakes (again, see picture above)).

And there’s no segway into this picture below, except that it involves dogs. And I’ll be darned if they ain’t cute.

Don't Be Mad

See now, this picture smells like a rolled up newspaper.

Here’s another reason to continue putting cats in a burlap sack, sealing it, and throwing it in the ocean:

That was a nice acoustic guitar, too!

I just read an article saying that Quentin Tarantino’s planning a remake of his cult classic film Reservoir Dogs using a cast of monkeys. It’s tentatively called Reservoir Monkeys. At first, I thought that was stupid. Then I saw this.

Hand over the Bananas...Real slow like

Now that’s how you sell a movie. I’m just curious who they’re going to cast as Mr. Orange, since he’s going to need to be able to play the complex role of both a gangster and a government informant. If there was only some kind of Harvey Keitel-chimpanzee cross-breed…

My immediately thought was, “Yes, so you’ve got the monkeys. But what about the love interest?” Well, that’s why Quentin gets paid the big bucks — he’s already got it figured out. This unnamed woman was cast to play the role of the lead monkey’s (Mr. White) big squeeze. The best part is, he’s only going to be filming her from the shoulders down….

Hand over your wallet...real slow like

……I blacked out for a minute there. But my wallet is missing, I’ve got four tickets to see Reservoir Monkeys, and this mysterious hard on that won’t quit. Damn you Tarantino!!