Pizza Comedy

It’s been a little while since our last caption contest, but let’s open up the caption floodgates again. This time, there’s a party in my pants. And grandpa and cousin Melvin are invited…

You know the deal: FREE T-SHIRT TO THE BEST CAPTION!!

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Caption contest closes Sunday, May 9th. After that, 4 finalists will be picked and voted upon. When submitting, plz leave an email address in case you win!

This picture has been up on my site for like two weeks, and I just recently realized this was a chick. Either that, or it’s a dude with really large nipples. Hoping for the latter…

WINNER!!!!

KISS groupies have to do something while Gene Simmons gets hair plugs put in.

Submitted By: Nalley

RUNNERS-UP:

2. Casper’s lesbian cousin, Jasper.
Submitted By: DC Star

3. Barney’s Beanery is the only place where Andy Dick and Robert Smith’s love child can be himself.
Submitted By: LA Dave
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Nothing gets the blood flowing like a little KISS rock n’ roll action. You know, I read a recent scientific study on KISS songs, which discovered that roughly 78% of all of the lyrics to KISS songs are devoted to, in one way or another, licking and/or exploiting genitals. 49% referred exclusively to Gene Simmons’ genitals, and 21% referred even more exclusively to his left testicle, which he’s named Clarence.

I thought that was interesting. (I probably should, I made it up.)

Props to Nalley on his latest victory — I believe this is his third? The dude rocks the captions like Gene Simmons rocks glory holes at truck stops. Frequently.

Also like to give a shout out to DC Star and LA Dave for adding some spice to the caption fire. And for the record, I met Casper’s lesbian cousin, Jasper. And let me tell you something. Not a fan. She’s kindof a snob.

You’ll also notice that there’s no “Honorable Mention” this week. That’s because Niblet’s caption recieved no votes, so he receives no courtesy. That’s a play right out of Jasper’s lesbo handbook. That bitch.

Keep your captions pointed this way, new contest coming soon…

Not the best caption contest of all time, but who gives a shit. Someone’s still taking home Pizza gold. Time to pick the fat cats from the pack rats…

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Halloween is scary. Especially when it happens in February.

FREE T-SHIRT TO THE BEST CAPTION!!

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Caption contest closes Sunday, February 21st. After that, 4 finalists will be picked and voted upon. When submitting, plz leave an email address in case you win!

WINNER!!!!

In what turned out to be a truly anti-climactic turn of events, Sarah shit her pants.

Submitted By: DC STar

RUNNERS-UP:

2. The origin of the term “Fire Crotch”
Submitted By: Nalley

3. One case of pink eye coming up bitch
Submitted By: Blumpkin King

HONORABLE MENTION:
“How to make a flame smell like Roman Polanksi’s dick. ”
Submitted By: Razor Ramon
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Hooooowwwwwwddddyyyyy HO!!

That’s what’s these hos said before shitting their pants. Props to DC Star on his doody-sprinkled win. My guess is he pulled that caption from personal experience — one too many PF Gambles (that’s a Poop-Fart Gamble folks, look it up) lost in his lifetime. Thinking he had to fart, only to realize there was more to it. To be more specific, there was now a warm chocolate squirrel hiding in his pants.

Nice work DC, the man has entered many a great caption and now he’s got the Pizza shirt to prove it.

Also props to Nalley for his nail-bitingly close 2nd place finish. I enjoyed his word play with “fire crotch” — the thought of firey pubes (a la Lindsey Lohan) juxtaposed against the very real fire of these two young ladies. It’s like poetry in motion, watching Monet paint…or some shit like that.

I must also give a tip of the hat to Blumpkin King and Razor Ramon. Both of you left a foul taste in my mouth — it tasted like hilariousness, with a slight hint of methane. I’ll have my people forward this along to Polanski’s people, so that they know that we know that his dick smells like poop, with a bit of pink eye sprinkled in for good measure. Oh, and some Quaaludes.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this piece of advice: Next time you want to spit hot fire to a girl, take a minute, compose yourself, and focus your attention. Then, shit hot fire instead. They will eat it up like chocolate.

Truer words have never been spoken. New caption contest starting next week, so stay tuned!!

Girls. That’s all they really want is farts. Who’s captionage burns up the competition like a chocolate missile out of these ladies undergarments? Who deserves the brown medal??

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Call this the precursor to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce. It’s girls being girls, no fuss, no muss. Well, a little muss. Smells kinda like cabbage.

You know the dealio — FREE T-SHIRT TO THE BEST CAPTION!!

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Caption contest closes Sunday, January 17th. After that, 4 finalists will be picked and voted upon. When submitting, plz leave an email address in case you win!

2009 was a great year for caption contests here at Pizza Comedy. We squeezed in a total of 35 of them last year, which thusly allowed 35 man-tits to be squeezed into free Pizza Ts. And this right here was our last of the year — perhaps not our best — but certainly not too shabby.

So I salute the winners here, as well as the countless winners and finalists we’ve had over the last year. You guys are usually funnier than us…

WINNER!!!!

Let’s play the Holiday Party favorite: “Where is Santa’s thumb?”

Submitted By: Phil

RUNNERS-UP:

2. “Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science called she wants her outfit back.”
Submitted By: Little Sakanini

3. “Is it too late to ask for assless chaps??”
Submitted By: Saxy
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What’s ironic is that me and my family play “Where’s Santa’s Thumb?” every year on Christmas Eve, and not once has it ever been this gay. It’s usually in my Uncle Bud’s ass, but at the very least, he wears boxers and a full length t-shirt. Otherwise, it would just be weird.

I must also give some props to Little Sakanini on his Weird Science-fused 2nd place entry. It was probably the only entry that thought outside the box, and it really made me laugh…then go back and watch Weird Science and touch myself to Kelly LeBrock (who now looks like a fat Aneglina Jolie btw).

And nice work by Saxy, rounding out the top 3. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s NEVER to late to ask for assless chaps.

You’ll notice there’s no Honorable Mention this contest, due partly because the Blumpkin King was bitching about a rip-off (which I kinda see, but it’s a stretch dr. bumpkin), and also because that caption got no votes. So I shun it.

As I mentioned it’s been a fantastic, caption-filled year here at Pizza Comedy. I think I should just point out a few CAPTION ALL STARS from the past year — people who won more than once or entered their faces off: Dr. Gakface, LA Dave, Little Sakinini, Scribbles, Nalley, ‘Tay, Yoko, Papageorgio, Drinkpants Joe, Louis LOGIC, Doozy, Stumpy, WuBop, Joey Bots, and Grimes. You guys all rock socks. You made these contests a hell of a lot of fun.

If I missed you, my bad. I’ll get ya in the ’10s, kid.