Pizza Comedy

This is the kind of dedication I like to see from a broad:

The type of multitasking skills where she could fold the laundry, make you a grilled cheese, and dish out a hearty blow J simultaneously.

Ms. Barnes explained, “She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit.”

Coincidence or simply great comedy luck that Megan Barnes crashed her ‘95 Thunderbird while shaving her bird? If you’ve seen the picture of this woman, a better option would have been to attempt a decapitation since she resembles a bloated Kurt Cobain after a sex change. I can only wonder if the design of her pubes was a heart shaped box.

Peep the rest of the story here.

Let’s take a moment to honor that which is most important in life: butts. More specifically, butts that you can bounce a nickel off of.

Good for her. Good for all of these ladies.

How about a little monday randomness to start this week off right?

Here’s the topic: chicks.

This first bit of randomness comes from just a regular night in da club. Dancing with some hunnies, grinding up on some bitties, smashing your face into some strangers crotch like Rosie O’Donnell at a carpet clearance sale…

Now, the first thing I must note about that picture is the fact that 1) I’m pretty sure that’s Nurse Jackie and 2) that Asian chick standing next to her needs a man to sit on her face, pronto. Then I suggest the two couples double-date, perhaps at P.F. Changs, making sure to surface from each others privates every 30-45 seconds for a tasty combo of air and spicy chang sauce.

Next, we have a modern day Kris Kross. Homegirl likes to wear her pants backwards, and you know what? I think she’s onto something. Epic ass cleavage.

In addition to being hot, these ass-fly pants serve multiple purposes. One, they makes her juicy fruit butt shimmer like Steven Seagal in the Glimmer Man. Two, she’s got a fantastic pencil holder, if the situation ever arises. And three, if she ever needs to poop, all she needs to do is unzip and relax. Doody Dispenser 2.0.

Which leads me lastly to Veronica. And all I’ll say about her is: “Ew, gross.” (slash “call me”)

Seriously Veronica, get a hobby.

This reminds me of a simpler time, when music was funky and bras were an afterthought.

Play those funky nipples, white girl.

I have a feeling that today is going to be a good one. Extra funky. Disco tits. If I had my way, I’d go down to the local honky tonk, order some whisky, and sip it off some disco cleavage.

Ain’t that right, Mick?

Artist: Rolling Stones
Song: “Honkey Tonk Women”
Album: Hot Rocks (1964-1971)
Website

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You know the Rolling Stones have been around since 1962? That’s fucking insane. Almost 50 years. They got big at the same time as The Beatles. Can you imagine how many disco tits they’ve seen? My guess is somewhere in the billions. The nippllions.

Dude, Martin Lawrence has really committed to this character.

In this 3rd film, the plot revolves around finding a nerdy Indian college student to wear as a backpack. The problem is…momma’s too big!!

I’m trying to reserve judgment until I see the film, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this looks…fucking awesome!

Before the movie comes out, I’m going to give you a huge spoiler:

1986…

2010…

You know what? She’s still got it.

Had a friend in town visiting this weekend and shit got weird. There was a grandma playing beer pong and a hot chick with a robot arm who would only drink wine by the bottle.

Yeah, that just happened. A friend of mine tried to touch her boob and it transformed into a robot car and ran him over. Michael Bay’s got nothing on me.

Chuck Liddell was once the hardest honky in mixed martial arts.  He was the UFC Light Heavyweight champion, had 7 consecutive knockout wins, and rocked a mohawk with tattoos on the side of his head.  Now he dances with the stars and works out naked — BUTT NAKED!

I love his workout regiment:

pull-ups ass naked: 6-8 reps
squats ass naked: 8-10 reps
take a shit ass naked: 12-14 minutes

To top it off, Liddell’s got a sweet Bose wall-mounted stereo system in his gym. I’m thinking that goes for at least $700. Notice how I never talked about the blonde bimbette on the treadmill. I’m too classy for that. Now if you excuse me, I’ve got to microwave this banana peel, slip it over my penis, and use it to jerk off.

Stay classy.