This video is dedicated to all of us who have been shunned and fucked over by bouncers at a bar. It’s never happened to me because of my chiseled good looks and 42 inch biceps, but I have seen it happen way too many times. But you know what? Karma’s a bitch…
I wonder if Chokito is the candy bar equivalent to Mentos, because it seems to give this guy abnormal sized balls. Like this herb from the Mentos commercial who fucked up his job interview because he was an idiot. And by the way, instead of eating a Mentos, this guy should have duffed out that goofy-ass painter for not putting up a “wet paint” sign. Who does that?
About 50% of marriages fail. The leading cause? Dutch Ovens.
The same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons? It’s a fart. The only tim eyou need that kind of protection is after eating an entire Big Bell Box Meal from Taco Bell. Otherwise, you’re over protecting. And besides, if you wife cant stand you holding her head under the covers after you let a mud monkey loose, then your marraige doesn’t have a chance anyway.
Also make sure to check out this company’s “I Know You Are, But What Am I? Vest” — it’s a kevlar bullet proof vest that deflects any harmful comments made towards a teenager, and bounces them right back at the person making the joke. Also buy “I’m Rubber You’re Glue” pepper spray to ensure maximum insult holding on the assailant.
When the original Masturbating Shake Exercise (aka “The Shake Weight”) hit the market last year, people went crazy. If you were a woman, you were excited that another useless “weight loss” product was on the market so you could buy it, use it once, then throw it in the closet. If you were a man, you were ecstatic at the thought of a good handjob.
Neither occured, but one good thing did come out of it. The Shake Weight…FOR MEN.
First off all, I call bullshit. This product clearly doesn’t work. If it did, my arms would look like Mark McGuire’s on steroids and my abs would be shredded. I’ve been doing this same exact exercise every day for the last 15 years, and you know what? Nothing. No six-pack abs. No bulging muscles. Just a healthy internet porn addiction.
Although the product is worthless, this ad is awesome for one reason. Look how excited all of these douchebags get while doing the exercise. Look at the smiles on their faces. Watch 10 seconds in…
I love douchey Directors that try to give acting heavyweights like De Niro, Pacino, and oh yes, William Shatner tips on how to evoke the true emotion of the script. It’s not like they’ve won award after award for their craft, while this snot-nosed weasel is probably fresh out of NYU film school. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “De Niro was making hit movies while this chump was suckling on his momma’s teet.”
The best part is De Niro telling the Director: “That’s energetic, you don’t know what you’re talking about; I’m not selling cars.” So…I found a clip of Bobby De Niro Selling cars…
Check out a few other choice celeb blow ups when a Director opened his mouth here (Shatner), here (Orson Welles) and here (double-Shat).
This is the ad Yahoo prefers to post on their web pages when I check my email:
Oops! I crapped my pants!
Why is this old fart (who looks like he’s trying to squeeze out a fart but his butthole’s sealed tight) the poster boy for returning to school? This guy’s last life goal is obtaining his masters degree. In fact, I’m sure he’s more interested in learning how to not shit his pants at the dinner table. Now there’s a life goal.
Clearly Yahoo doesn’t care about their demographic. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started advertising “Help Build Railroads” to their Asian customers. Seriously, if they monitored any of my web browsing they’d know to post advertisements dealing with D-cup goth chicks or moderately priced argyle socks.
A lot is happening today for Mr. Woods. Sure, he’s jumping back into golf today with his appearance at the Masters. And in what’s becoming quite the “tradition like no other” for Woods, yet another piece of lady-candy has come forward admitting that she and Woods had an affair. This time, she’s 22 years old, a student, and is Tiger Wood’s neighbor’s daughter.
Her name is Raychel Coudriet. Yes, she spells her name with a “y”, but that’s not important. What’s important is this last part right here:
“Woods allegedly wooed the 22-year-old student last year by inviting her to play golf and requesting she “clean his golf balls.”’
I mean, really?? It was that easy? That’s just too good to be true. A rather uncreative woo-ing, but a wooing nonetheless.
But like I said, today was a busy day for Tiger. In addition to all this (and this), Nike also released a brand new advertisement featuring Tiger — his first new ad since this whole scandal started a few months back. In the ad, they use a voice over of Tiger’s dead father, speaking over a black-and-white video of Tiger looking sad on a beach.
Wipe that puppy dog look off your face dude. You’re not a rape victim. You are a dirty man-whore. No one forced him to have a bajillion different affairs with pancake waitresses and 22-year old students. No one told you to “clean your golf balls.”
That was all you, homie. So let’s get some color back into that ad and stop using your deceased father for monetary gain. It’s weird, and creepy, and I didn’t know him, but I’m guessing he wouldn’t approve.
And I’m not stupid, Nike. If you want to use Tiger in ads, just do it (some pun intended). Sell me whatever shit you want to. I understand. He’s a superstar. He likes to fuck women. I’m not fooled or surprised. But don’t give me that puppy dog shit, because it’s insulting to my intelligence.
But enough about me. If I were Woods, I’d be more worried about his neighbor coming over to his house and beating his freakin’ ass. There’s a lot of fish in the sea, but Tiger…man, you went fishing a little too close to home…
Wow, this commercial has some seriously rockin’ boobage. It’s NSFW at all, unless your like me and you watched it in a small window with lots of other windows opened around it, kinda framing it, looking over your shoulder to make sure your boss doesn’t catch you watching titties. That’s my kinda work day.
Again, wow. I’m told that this advertisement is for dishwashers…I don’t see any, but I think I’m buying Fleggaard.
