Pizza Comedy

Wow, this commercial has some seriously rockin’ boobage. It’s NSFW at all, unless your like me and you watched it in a small window with lots of other windows opened around it, kinda framing it, looking over your shoulder to make sure your boss doesn’t catch you watching titties. That’s my kinda work day.

Again, wow. I’m told that this advertisement is for dishwashers…I don’t see any, but I think I’m buying Fleggaard.

Look at that JUICY FRUIT BUTT!!

I can’t remember if I’ve posted this before, but either way, it’s worth a re-post. This commercial features my favorite rap tune ever — a little known ditty by T-Bone and the Assless Chap Gang. Unfortunately, the Dutch commercial was banned from TV, so it never got the play it deserved…

Those kids know what I’m talking about.

Getting healthy never felt so good!

This is almost as good as when Jared gave everyone aids with his Subway sandwiches. Still lookin’ good…

Nothing says love like the musk of your female companion. That lingering, lustful scent that beckons you to her bosom, calling you to be by her side forever. It smells a little bit like cabbage. Share in that musk, capture that moment, and fall in love all over again. Maybe even four times in a day, if it’s Mexican Monday in the cafeteria.

Always be there to share a square with the Love Toilet…

Welcome to Blumpkin City, USA. This toilet was made to do all kinds of things that were never meant to be done together. But then again, isn’t that the point of love?

No? It’s not? Actually, this dual-seated shitter reminds me a lot of my old fraternity house. There were two right next to each other, no stalls. Just two gross shitters, one right next to the other. It was rumored that one of our brothers took a dump with his girlfriend at the same time. We called it “The Double Deuce.” But now I see it was really The Love Toilet…minus the slick image.

He never denied it.

It’s hard to tell from this video, but this is actually a real product. You can buy Fresh Balls. They guarantee that “sweaty balls is a thing of the past.” Which immediately made me call “bullshit.” So I went to their website and read some testemonials, like this one:

“Fresh Balls is amazing. The first time I used it was right before a long car trip on leather seats, and I was dry the whole way.”

Dry on leather seats? No way. I bought a twelve pack to find out, this way I could fully lotion all my balls before hitting the leather.

Now all this company needs to do is make Swamp Ass.

Why do people waste so much time on whales and manatees?? You can put a bra on a blowhole, and I still won’t give a shit. And have you seen a manatee? Yuk!

We need to Save the Boobs, people! They’re the most important thing to humans ever. So enjoy the PSA, but also pay attention. Personally, I am signing up right now to lend a hand.

In this day and age, it’s easy to get caught up with the fast-paced nature of life and wind up with a dry crack. Next thing you know, you’re whole ass is chapped. And once you’ve got a chapped ass, you turn into a lesbian.

Ain’t that right, Lindsey?

The same thing happened to me when I got drunk, blacked out, and wound up with my pants off in the middle of a D.A.R.E assembly for middle school students. Awkward…