This is Sooty. He doesn’t wear a condom and he doesn’t pay child support. Deal with it.
Happy mother’s day!!
nice conquest by scribbles
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May
May
0
Get out the Champagne!
Happy mother’s day. Extra special one for this pizzaman, because there’s a new little Siciliano kid in town. Just born yesterday. Get out the champagne!!
Apr
0
A Perfect Holiday
We all know there are a few staples that everyone celebrating 420 should (and most certainly will) have. These are, in no particular order: hacky sacks, Bob Marley mixtapes, bongs, ice for the bongs, brownies (ideally with weed baked in), Sour Patch Kids, grape soda, sweatpants, and Anchorman on DVD (you may want to substitute this with Pootie Tang. That’s your call).
These are the staples, and certainly you should have at least 3 of the above in hand at all times. But I’m not here to remind you of what you already know. I’m here to help. Here are a few suggestions I feel may substantially increase your 420 holiday experience.
1. A Discussion.
Bears riding horses. Puff, puff, discuss…
Do you think these bears have been trained since birth to ride horses, or they just kinda fell into the job? Did a bear eat a jockey and just inherit his strength? Like Sylar in Heroes (in the first season, before he turned into a bitch-ass). You think a horse has ever eaten a bear? And here’s the real question: Which came first — the horse or the bear??
I have no idea. And honestly, no idea what the fuck this is. Or how a horse is riding a bear. It does not make sense. Anyway, discuss…
2. A song.
“Dope Nose” by Weezer. An oldie, but a goodie — and very appropriately titled…
Artist: Weezer
Song: “Dope Nose”
Album: Maladroit (2002)
Website
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
“Cheese smells so good on a burnt piece of lamb.” So true.
Love that one. Can’t believe that album is 8 years old already…seems like only yesterday I was screaming “Ohh Oo-Oo-Ohhhh!” while cracking a 40 of Old E. Good times then, good times now…
3. A treat.
Lastly — perhaps most importantly — I propose this…
Bacon Flowers.
That right there is true beauty. Ladies, if you’re reading this and you want to know how to make your man happy, it’s simple. Bacon flowers. (And blow jays). You give him bacon flowers and he’ll be yours forever.
Well stoners, I hope this helps. Not that anyone needs help to enjoy today. Right Towelie?
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Apr
1
Happy 420
At last. A holiday for those that make their own holiday, every day. Sometimes with a soda can and a fork.
And this year, we have a lot to celebrate. Weed is slowly marching it’s way towards legalization across the country. California has it on the voting ballot (like to actually legalize it — not just for medical, for everyone). And at last count, 14 states now have legalized that awesome thing they call medical marijuana.
Still a long way to go, but if you live in a city like Los Angeles, you know it doesn’t really matter. Legalizing it for reals would just help our state be much less broke. Because right now, we are seriously broke. More broke than Sisqo at a gay disco. And legal or not, on this great day, the streets of LA — nay, the streets and campuses across this great nation — will be stinking of that sticky icky.
For those cheesing right now, I salute you. And offer you this: OK Go’s latest internet treat. From the band that brought you that treadmill video, comes an amazing Rube Goldberg Machine. You know — one thing hits another, which hits another thing, and that thing hits something else…
I’m not stoned (yet), but this is some seriously epic shit…
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Apr
0
Happy Easter!!
For all you good Christians out there, I wish you a happy, hippity-hopping Easter. Enjoy that Sunday service, eat brunch until your belt doesn’t fit, and most importantly, really get into that Easter egg hunt (if you can’t find that last egg, look inside the flower pot. Trust me, it’s there.)
For everyone else, enjoy the Chinese food and enjoy treating today like any other day. My hope is that you at least take a moment to enjoy a box of Peeps and jelly beans. And if you don’t like Peeps, then god help you.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat a dozen hard-boiled eggs that have been dyed blue. No big deal…
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Apr
0
Adventures in San Fran
Took a road trip up to San Francisco this weekend. The goal: to determine exactly whether or not Rice-a-Roni is THE San Francisco treat. My hypothesis is that while it might be both delicious and a treat, other things might be able to give it a run for it’s money. Like smugness, Ghiardeli chocolate or gay couples.
A lot of wheels are in motion and I’m collecting a lot of scientific data. So far it’s been really amazing, but no Rice-a-Roni in sight. It’s not looking good for that salty, deliciously over-flavored rice substitute…
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Apr
0
ABC’s New Lineup
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: a shark with a laser attached to it’s head or the fact that ABC actually has a sense of humor. But here are the new (April Fools) promos they released on their website today. I’m not sure where this comic ability came from (it certainly isn’t present on air), but these shows look pretty solid…
As long as JJ Abrams directs it, I’ll watch a show about Lost Luggage. And of course, Empty House. Anything with Uncle Jesse gets DVR’d immediately.
There’s a few more promos here.
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Mar
1
Car Bombs (in my pants)
Last night was a successful honoring of St. Paddy’s Day debauchery, filled with beer, shots, and my fake Irish accent (here’s a sample: “Aye laddie! Yarrs a wench, ain’t ya?!”) I’m pretty sure that’s Irish, maybe with a hint of pirate.
But the shot du jour of the evening was the Irish Car Bomb, which I had to explain to my friend — who for some reason, could not grasp this concept — that real Irish people (and real Irish bars) are offended by that shot. I tried to explain that Car Bombs are a real problem in Ireland, people die, hence them not being too fond of the nomenclature. It would be like walking into New York and ordering a “9/11″. People might get upset. That, and Irish people don’t do that kind of shot. They enjoy the taste of Guinness without chugging it like a stupid American.
I was parched from all this talking, so we went into an Irish pub and ordered a lot of Irish Car Bombs. We actually did at least 4 in total — clearly, no Irish people worked at this bar — followed by thick beers and more shots. We followed the night binge with the traditional Irish dish of pizza at 3am. I hear they flew in the dough right from the green, rolling hills of the motherland. It tasted like cabbage.
Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning, it seemed as if all those Car Bomb shots left a little extra gas in my tank. I tried, as usual, to light my farts on fire, and let’s just say things went poorly…
If you’re impressed by that, you should see this guy poop.
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