Apr
0

Ice To Meet You Too Biatch

picture-33

This twitter war took place a few weeks back, but is just too good to overlook. (Although honestly, the two words “twitter” and “war” put together seems about as masculine as Elton John riding a bedazzled Harley with assless chaps onto stage (sorry…no picture could be found)).

Aimee does have a point though. I’ve never once walked away from a movie or TV show Ice-T has been in and thought “Damn…that Ice-T can fucking act.” On the other hand, I love Aimee Mann simply for her contributions to the Magnolia soundtrack. And for being married to the lesser of all the Penn brothers, Michael, who wrote this catchy diddy that I enjoy and you will find yourself singing. You gotta be a good person to do that — it’s like adopting a retarded baby or giving Chad Lowe acting work. All will score you points with the man upstairs.

At least Ice-T was kind enough to wish “a hot bowl of dicks” upon Aimee. He could of served her many of his other penis delicacy’s, such as cold cock cobb salad, penis parmigiana, and Tom Cruise’s personal favorite, dick chowder.

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Apr
0

Welcome to the internet grandma…

lemon-party

Todd should be awarded a thousand facebook friend bonus for that move. Tricking a grandmother into watching old man gay porn. If that’s not what the internet is all about, then my name ain’t Miles Davis.

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Apr
1

Leggo my Matrix

This is bad ass. If only they made the last two Matrix movies with Legos…

They probably still would have sucked, but at least The Architect could have built something sweet.

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Apr
0

One Failure, One Success, and One Laser Tits

Today is a day for exploration. Of the good, the bad, and the not-so-ugly-but-totally-fucking-random of the internet. I’ll start off first with the bad — since it’s not quite Friday yet, and that pisses me off.

Here is a parent. On a segway. Trying to give her kid up for adoption to a moving vehicle.

Parenting Fail

I don’t even know what to say about that. Except for the fact that this child will probably not grow up to be normal and that mother should not be wearing white pants.

And here’s the good. You’ll notice that it is labeled as a “fail”, but nothing could be further from the truth. This is success spelled b-r-e-a-s-t.

Motivational Camouflage

That’s a boob bully fo sho. Even though she’s trying to hide behind that camouflage, I ain’t fooled. A boob bully is a boob bully is a boob bully.

And this last one is relatively self-explanatory. Star Trek nerds, set your stun guns to “masturbatory”.

laser-tits

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Apr
0

Proper Use of an Ipad

A co-worker brought in the new ipad today. After toying around with it for a few seconds, I decided it was a waste of time and money. I’m glad to see Daniel Tosh agrees with me and decided to do something about this:

Eat shit, Steve Jobs.

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Apr
2

Air Drummer Better Than Real Drummer? Sad But True.

This is Kevin Dabbs, a citizen of Edmonton, Alberta. That’s in Canada! Since he’s Canadian, he’s got a floppy head and a penchant for air drumming, which is totally normal..in Canada. But in all seriousness, Kevin Dabbs kicks ass on the skins:

Did you see that?! His horizontal cymbal crashes are one of a kind. And that whipping pony tail–OH MAN! It’s safe to say Kevin Dabbs has the potential to be a Metallica roadie, but he definitely cannot replace Lars; as evident in his exhaustion at around 5:11.

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Apr
0

Advertising For Dummies

This is the ad Yahoo prefers to post on their web pages when I check my email:

Oops! I crapped my pants!

Oops! I crapped my pants!

Why is this old fart (who looks like he’s trying to squeeze out a fart but his butthole’s sealed tight) the poster boy for returning to school? This guy’s last life goal is obtaining his masters degree. In fact, I’m sure he’s more interested in learning how to not shit his pants at the dinner table. Now there’s a life goal.

Clearly Yahoo doesn’t care about their demographic. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started advertising “Help Build Railroads” to their Asian customers. Seriously, if they monitored any of my web browsing they’d know to post advertisements dealing with D-cup goth chicks or moderately priced argyle socks.

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Apr
0

Old School Videogames Destroy New York

There are a few things in today’s world that make me feel old. Young, attractive girls are one, and two would be videogames. I’m not sure why I got so left behind — I’m a pretty young guy — but for some reason, I never moved on past Nintendo64. I was all over Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and I still rock a mean MarioKart 64. And if you think you are a bad ass, let’s see how you handle your shit in Goldeneye with proximity mines. I’ll pwn you.

But that’s where it stops. About 10 years ago. These new gaming systems, while mind blowingly impressive, frighten me. Perhaps because I believe that one day machines will take over, and perhaps I’m scared of this because my name isn’t Neo and I can’t jump into people and make them explode into numbers.

But wherever this irrational fear comes from, I do know how to handle it. By keeping my games old school. Like PacMan. Or Donkey Kong. Or Pong.

And that’s why this video is bad ass. Old school videogames attack NYC. It starts a little slow, but it’s really cool…

I think I’d make a pretty bad ass Donkey Kong. I have come to this hypothesis mostly because I have a lot of chest hair and like bananas. You do the math.

nice find by pixel’tayted

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