Pizza Comedy

When this guy gets to the hospital, someone take his food and put some atomic peppers on top of his burger.

He can even call ya if ya want! Or write ya!
In fact, he’s watching ya right now! Wondering why ya ain’t writing him?
Thinks your SEXXXXXXXXXYYY!! But you not writing is makin him angry!
Just write him! He’s a lovealump…ooopps he’ll beat ya if ya call him that!!
Seriously, he’ll beat ya! lol…please write him!!

Another massive snow storm in the tri-state area. If only Haywood was here to help me get through these stressful times.

ps - Look at the names for these snow-shoveling superheros.

Excuse me, Mr. Haywood Jablome? I think I need your help with my GPS. It says I’m fucked.

Wait for it…wait for it….

I feel bad, but something about the slow-mo sold me. CHHHEEEEERRRSS MAAATTTTYYY….

I recommend giving those last 5 seconds at least one more go around. Then watch it one more time and pretend it’s Angelina Jolie. I’m pretty sure it is.

If your wondering what hit her, it’s a Zorb. Cheers Matty!

We’ve all gambled on farts before. Most times we make it out unscathed, but every now and then we lose that game of anal roulette. Having the good sense not to wear white pants on that day is another story. I looked up how to say “I have explosive diarrhea” in Dutch and it’s “Ik explosieve diahrea.”

I sympathize with this poor girl especially after eating at Noda’s Japanese Steakhouse. Sometimes I haven’t even made it out of the place before pissing out my ass.

Check out the 1:00 mark for the fireworks.

Nice find sexy Barron Girls

This is the newest internet hero. His name is Thomas Bruso aka Epic Beard Man (the coolest nickname next to Dominique Wilkins’ “The Human Highlight Film”). Here’s the backstory: Epic Beard Man was on the public bus in Oakland, California, discussing getting his shoes shined by his boy. The fake thug thought he was implying a black man would shine his shoes.

Despite Epic Beard Man’s denial, fake thug wasn’t having it and tried to chew out EBM while his friends videotaped it; his friends being 2 very unattractive sistas (I’m assuming). Unfortunately, Epic Beard Man is a Vietnam vet and does not fuck around. Though this video is a tad bit long, it’s fun to see a senior citizen beat the shit out of what could be Xzibit’s younger brother.

That’s when keeping it real goes wrong. But there is a facebook group that keeps it real devoted to Epic Beard Man.

Also, Epic Beard Man’s plight has been bought by Capcom and made into the latest Mortal Kombat installment. Just click here for a taste.

“CALL AN AMBULANCE.”-Duffed Out Fake Thug

First off, double-points are awarded to whoever posted this on YouTube, because this clip is simply titled “oprah is dumb.” Gold star. Also hilarious to read the outpouring of comments under the post, with people frantically arguing about how they’re offended that someone would call Oprah “dumb”. Like this dumb idiot.

And it’s also very logical to assume that “monthsinyear” has potato chip crumbs scattered upon her FUPA.

In this clip, Oprah has Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees on her show, and tries to wipe off the birthmark he has on his face. “Hey Drew, you got some schmutz on your face…”

Derp. I think my buddy Tay, who sent me the clip, made the most poignant observation:

Here’s Oprah bein dumb…..and tryin to rub off Drew Brees’s birthmark. That’s actually not my favorite part of the 19 second clip; that would be when she goes “Wow wow wow wow WHOO!” and does a little jiggle-shimmy in her chair. I like that the best. She looks like a fat penguin.

Truer words have never been spoken. And you know what else, Breesus is My Homeboy.

This is why I don’t do karate. Because they make you do shit like this. Watch as a karate master takes a 22 MPH kick to the groin (from an MMA Fighter) and doesn’t even flinch. My guess is this guy is a eunuch, but they say he just lacks “Substance P”…

Guy’s got rocks of steel. I bet his relationships with women can’t last more than a week because he’s so ice cold. I mean, imagine how he treats his girlfriends if he’s so awful to his own nutsack.

And what show is the from? This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen.