I always regarded Steven Seagal as a master of many things — acting, martial arts, tight jeans, freeze-frames, classical guitar, and ponytails, to name a few. His talent and spiritual chi is matched by no mortal man.
But I guess it’s time to add one more thing to this list: Sexual assault cases. Lots of ‘em.
Let’s start with this. Apparently, back in 1998, Seagal made Jenny McCarthy cry, demanding she “strip” in a private casting call for Under Siege 2.
“I go inside Seagal’s office, and he’s by himself and says, ‘Sit on my couch,” McCarthy told Movieline magazine in ‘98. “Then he said, ‘Take off your dress.’ I just started crying and said, ‘Rent my Playboy video, you a*****e!’ and ran out to the car.”
But McCarthy is not the only one. Apparently, a number of other women have felt Seagal’s unbridled chi rub up against their leg. Also in 1998, nine seperate women told Penthouse magazine that Seagal had sexually harrassed them. Then again, “sexual harassment” was all the rage back in ‘98. Bill Clinton made that shit as popular as snap bracelets were in ‘89.
I’m not exactly sure why assault cases from 1998 are making headlines in 2010 — seems like this should have been a headline 12 years ago, when Seagal was relevant. But maybe it’s a just slow news day (I mean, Heidi Montag doesn’t get her new second-anus plastic surgery until Wednesday). But I do know one thing: all these sexual assault cases are fucking my schedule up.
“How?” you ask. Well, because in light of this scandal, A&E has decided to shelve Seagal’s semi-popular reality show Steven Seagal Lawman. Which I believe might be the finest show on television (we also have an upcoming Pizza Comedy sketch about it). No more Lawman?! This is awful.
But even so, none of this compares to this last bit regarding the sexual scandal:
The lawsuit TMZ obtained Monday alleges Kayden Nguyen interviewed with Seagal to become his executive assistant. Nguyen claims she landed the job, but when she showed up for work, “Mr. Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian ‘attendants’ on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Nguyen also claims, Seagal treated her “as his sex toy.”
Sex slaves. On staff. Damn Steven, how the hell do you have time to do all these things?? A deputy sheriff, a movie star, an energy drink salesman, a karate master, and now…a sex ring leader. Amazing.

One of Seagal's sex slaves?
This Kayden Nguyen woman is now suing Seagal for over $1 million dollars — charging him with sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of females for sex, wrongful termination and a bunch of other crap.
As for me, I don’t believe it. First of all, I don’t trust anyone named Kayden. Sounds like a spy working for Commander Krill to me. And mostly importantly, Seagal doesn’t need to have sex slaves. He’s a fat aging movie star. He could karate chop a salami sandwich and get a whole bar full of women wet.
Innocent until proven filthy, that’s what I say. Play on Steven. I’ll miss Lawman, but don’t worry, Pizza Comedy will carry on the show in your honor…
>> Read more of the story here.
nice find by Luzaderama