Pizza Comedy

Sometimes, it just feels good to tell you how I feel.

I totally agree with the message of this video. True love is blind and you love blow jobs. It reminds me of the first time we went out on a date. It was Wednesday, I’ll never forget how nervous I was blow jobs. How we went out for Thai food and sang karaoke…

I thought for our Anniversary, we could go back to where it all began blow jobs. I’ve booked us a table for two, by candlelight. Wine, thai, and as much karaoke as you can bj. Love you.

Steve Harvey does. And he’s illiterate!

Oh Kenan, sometimes you still make me laugh. And if anyone’s wondering what Kel is up to, here is the [very real] movie poster for his last project — 2009’s See Dick Run.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more photoshopped movie poster in my life. And they still couldn’t make that girl on the left look any less like a tranny lemur.

If you’re wondering why you’ve never heard or seen this movie, stop thinking about it. I’m not sure if this was even in theaters. The story is about Kel’s dick. He “loses it.” I’m guessing his nuts get cut off. Or he spills hot coffee on his groin and they’re irreparably damaged. Maybe he works for UPS.

Someone watch it and fill me in. Or don’t. I don’t really care. I’m gonna stick to my Keenan and Kel, if you don’t mind. Maybe a little Fresh Prince and Clarissa afterwards? Shit man, a lineup that good, I’ll never do my homework.

I just learned something today. It’s OK to be a dick rider…as long as you’re riding Obama’s dick.

This must be why Nicholas Cage has had so much success for so long. I mean, he’s IS the original Dick Rider. And he’s been a dick rider for over 10 years now, and showing no signs of slowing.

Ask your dotor if it’s right for you.

Through the tenure of these posts you should have noticed I’m very old school. I’m a simple man. I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth. And for that reason I have to go back to an SNL classic:

It’s not fast food. It’s good food, served quickly. GA-GA-GA-GOYNG!!

If you know anything about comedy, you know Raaaaaaaandy is the funniest comedian currently working the beat. The man performs underwater cunnilingus on a nightly basis, all while on stage. And if you know anything about music, you know that Justin Bieber is a little POS teen phenom that makes me jealous I didn’t start signing when I was 14 (obviously, that’s the only reason I’m not a pop star).

Enter this shocking video. Apparently, Bieber stole his hit song “Baby” from Raaaaaaaandy, and now Raaaaaaaandy wants revenge…

Be careful, Bieber might shit on you too. That’s his MO. I know he’s only 16, but he’s got the bowels of a 72 year-old on prune juice. He could end you.

All the SNL people that have ever done Presidents get back together for one massive Presidential Reunion sketch. Everyone. Chevy Chase, Jim Carrey, Darrell Hammond, Dan Aykroyd, Dana Carvey, Will Farrell, and that not-so-funny guy that does Obama. Oh, and it’s directed by Ron Howard.

Ok, so knowing that, pause for a moment to reduce your expectations by half, and watch this…

I’m guessing the same writer’s for the Funny Or Die show wrote this. And I have the same question now that I had when I watched the show on HBO: “How?” How did you make it so not funny?? I watched the Behind the Scenes for this sketch, and that was funnier. There are so many talent people in this — perhaps the funniest people alive — and yet…

it’s mind bottling.

Oh well, I guess the good news is that Fringe and Community both got picked up for next season. Two TV shows that probably none of you watch, but they are fucking awesome, so shut up and get on board. Yeah, girl.

I am proud to unveil the brand spankin’ new video page for Pizza Comedy…

Video.PizzaComedy.com

Finally, all our original videos are in one place, neatly packaged and easy to watch. They stream faster, in the highest quality possible, and even work on a nifty rating system. So go in there, leave some comments, and rate your favorite videos and watch some old classics…

It is still a work in progress, so we’ll be making changes as we go. But the site is ripe and ready to be ravaged by hungry comedy eyeballs, so give it a peek.

It’s all leading up to our most glorious achievement yet…the Pizza Comedy TV Show. A 7-part comedy web series with sketches and internet nonsense mixed in. Hopefully, that will arrive in about a month or so. And I don’t say this lightly, it will be our best work yet.

So check out the new site, and have a laugh on us. We’re way cheaper than crack.